It has been said, “A good friend is one who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is one who is sitting beside you in jail.”
My wife is my absolute best friend (even though she hasn’t had to do the jail thing) yet I have found that one of the most beneficial things I can give my marriage is to have deep, open relationships with other buddies. I find that because my wife and I share so much already it is good to have other friendships.
I am discovering in counseling many marriages have undo stress because there is no person other than the spouse who is being shared with at a deep level. This can actually be a disservice to the marriage.
Below are some benefits that can come from having great friendships outside the marriage:
Sharing of a burden with a trusted friend will lighten the burden personally and take the burden off the spouse to be the sole helper with the struggle.
Practicing vulnerability with a non-sexual partner will give a deeper understanding of what intimacy really is all about.
Talking to someone of the same gender about what is being experienced often creates a sense of not being the only one who is experiencing the challenge.
Learning to trust others will ultimately help in trusting self and trusting partner.
Building support relationships in the present will create reinforcement in the future if there is a crisis or loss of spouse.
Making deposits in friendship accounts will allow withdrawals from these accounts when needed. An investment in friendship outside the marriage is an investment of security inside the marriage.
Thoughts to Ponder:
How much pressure is my friendship with my spouse putting on the relationship?
Who would be someone that could take this pressure off my relationship?
What could I do to invest in other relationships that would help my marriage relationship?
Scripture:
(I Samuel 23.16) … Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.