Men are not prone to deal with emotions very well. It is tough for us because of the mixed message we have been given. As boys were told that big boys don’t cry, stuff our emotions and then when we want to have relationship with a woman we are supposed to be sensitive. This leaves us a little confused.
When you think of it most men have two basic expressed emotions, glad or mad. Anger seems to be an acceptable masculine emotion. It appears that men give themselves a pass when they are annoyed or irritated. Mad men seem to be permitted in our society. It seems took to be angry when something goes wrong; it seems to be a man’s prerogative. Anger is a actually a very counter productive emotion for the following reasons:
1. It gets short-term results but has a long-term impact. Although anger can get the outcomes desired as far as getting people to do what you want, every time it is expressed it has the great potential to build up resentment in the person who experiences rage. Resentment is nemesis to connected relationship.
2. It impacts intimacy. It is hard for a sexual partner to forget angry moments and exchange them for intimate moments. When a man wants to experience affection and has forgotten about the incident that caused expressed anger often his partner remembers the occurrence and does not want closeness. It is hard to make the jump from toxic emotions to pleasant ones.
3. It is exaggerated in its effects. Although someone can have control of emotions 95% of the time it is the 5% that stands out and is remembered. Just like a little poison can corrupt a whole well. So can a little of uncontrolled fury.
Here are some pointers to dealing with anger in a healthy way:
1. Express feelings proactively as they occur without letting them build up. Don’t repress or suppress. The Bible admonishes us not to let the sun go down on our anger.
2. Find healthy ways of venting anger. Physical activity such as exercise and mental activity such as journaling are two such ways.
3. Talk out situations that have caused anger in Amen groups, with a trusted confident, pastor or counselor.
4. Understand that some anger can be productive. Learn to do Ephesian 4:26 commands anger as long as it is not transgressing another .Dealing with anger in healthy ways will create healthy and connected relationships.